The Chrissy W Awards 2020
Alright, the season is run and won, with the Storm overcoming the combined power of Penrith and Channel 9 to take out the 2020 premiership. Congratulations to all involved.
And while we are all sad to see Rugbaleeg go away for another year, and 2020 was a memorable season for so many reasons, but the most exciting is that this year the famed Chrissy W awards for Worst and Dirtiest have been expanded to better recognise the lack of talent in the NRL. For the first time there will be a full squad of 13 to fill out and we here at the awards are truly excited.
So without further ado, here are this year's awards and winners:
Fullback: Clint Gutherson
Wing: Blake Ferguson
Centre: Campbell Graham
Centre: Zac Lomax
Wing: Valentine Holmes
Five-Eighth: Anthony Milford
Halfback: Mitchell Pearce
Prop: Jared Waerea-Headhigh
Hooker: Issac Luke
Prop: James Fisher-Headhigh
Second-Row: Coen Hess
Second-Row: Luciano Leilua
Lock: Patrick Carrigan
Coach: Paul McGregor (yeah you all thought I was going with Siebold didn't you?)
And the prestigious Chrissy W goes to...wait am I reading this right?...but I thought Campbell was a certainty for a threepeat...really...most votes?...I see...I'm not disputing it, I'm just surprised...no...no...I see your point...
And the prestigious Chrissy W goes to... Clint Gutherson. Congratulations Clint, you were far and away the most overrated player in the competition this year. Please accept your trophy and, as we always say, try not to drop it as you exit the stage.
And now to this year's specialty awards:
The Teflon Trophy For Dirtiest Grub Who Keeps Getting Off: James Fisher-Headhigh
The Des Hasler Memorial Award For Biggest Whinger: Clint Gutherson
The Bryan Fletcher Memorial Award For Just Hold It: Viliame Kikau
Gavin Lester Memorial Award For Quality Player Stuck In Reserve Grade Behind An Absolute Dickhead: Haze Dunster
The Nathan Hindmarsh "Curse of the Bambino" Stigma For Player Who Will Never Win A Grand Final: Clint Gutherson
The Paul Gallen Memorial Award For You Do Realise There Are Cameras Right?: Addin Fonua-Blake
The Ben Hunt Memorial Award For Game-Breaking Basic Handling Error: Viliame Kikau (Grand Final)
The Julian O'Neill Golden Poo For Holy Shit You Can't Do That At A Casino: Cody Walker
The And I Quote "Cooper Cronk is a reserve-grade hooker at best and will never replace Matt Orford" Bronze Clipboard For Why The Fuck Would You Ever Hire Phil Gould: Channel 9
The Pewter Logie For Dumbest Channel 9 Camera Since Their Last Dumb Camera: Freddy Cam
The Bryce Cartwright Memorial Needle For Deadshit Anti-Vaxx Stupidity: Josh Papalii, Sia Soliola and Joseph Tapine
The Stephen Dank Mystery Box For Most Doped Up Cronulla Player: Bronson Xerri
The Bernie Maddoff Memorial Trophy For Biggest Ripoff: Sonny-Bill Williams
The Phil Gould Golden Microphone For Most Biased Commentary: Cooper Cronk
The Barry Gomersall Silver Whistle For Most Biased Referee: Gerard Sutton
The Golden Tandy: Gavin Orr
The Danny Williams Crown For Biggest King Hit: Chad Townsend
Jarrod Sammut Award For Penrith Player Who Was A Revelation On Debut And Then Never Seen Again: Charlie Staines
The Donny J Trump Silver Platter For Being Handed It And Still Dropping It: Penrith
The "I Miss Old Fashioned Scrums" Golden Golliwog For Bigoted White People Stuck In 1978: Anyone who was offended by the NRL promoting a lesbian kiss or Latrell wearing an Aboriginal flag
The Phar Lap Golden Can Of Dog Food For Flogging A Dead Horse: Once again thinking the Nines are going to be a thing
Where Phil "Goose" Gould Ended Up On The Tipping Comp: Dead Last
The Dally M Awards Award For Biggest Joke: The Dally M Awards
The Ian Flemming Golden Gun For Most Over The Top Name: Project Apollo
The Anthony Watts Golden Gun For Biggest Nutjob: Tevita Pangai Jr
The Kane Evans Thermos For Best Throw Of A Water Bottle: Ricky Stuart
The Robbie O'Davis Memorial Award For Most Drugged Up Player NOT With Cronulla: Michael Jennings
The Remember The Somme Memorial Award For Most Dangerously Churned Up Surface: Bankwest Stadium
The Average Accuracy Of So-Called "Experts" Tips and Predictions: 12%
The Jarryd Hayne Shattered Rainbow For Chasing Your Dreams: Valentine Holmes
The Mitchell Pearce Golden Wind-Up Chattering Teeth For Prematurely Jawing Off In A Final And Spurring The Other Team To Victory: Mitchell Pearce
The Wests-Tigers Crumpled Golden Ticket For Don't Buy Grand Final Tickets In March: Parramatta
The Scott Prince Wicker Chair For Most Fragile Player: Tom Trbojevic
The Early 2000's South Sydney Award For Bring Your Boots Just In Case: Manly
The Drummer From Spinal Tap Silver Sticks For You Don't Want That Job: Whoever plays 9 for Newcastle
We congratulate all the winners and their clubs, and we're all truly excited at the prospect that you might not be back next year. That's all for 2020, thank you.