The Chrissy W Awards 2020

Alright, the season is run and won, with the Storm overcoming the combined power of Penrith and Channel 9 to take out the 2020 premiership. Congratulations to all involved.

And while we are all sad to see Rugbaleeg go away for another year, and 2020 was a memorable season for so many reasons, but the most exciting is that this year the famed Chrissy W awards for Worst and Dirtiest have been expanded to better recognise the lack of talent in the NRL. For the first time there will be a full squad of 13 to fill out and we here at the awards are truly excited.

So without further ado, here are this year's awards and winners:

Fullback: Clint Gutherson

Wing: Blake Ferguson

Centre: Campbell Graham

Centre: Zac Lomax

Wing: Valentine Holmes

Five-Eighth: Anthony Milford

Halfback: Mitchell Pearce

Prop: Jared Waerea-Headhigh

Hooker: Issac Luke

Prop: James Fisher-Headhigh

Second-Row: Coen Hess

Second-Row: Luciano Leilua

Lock: Patrick Carrigan

Coach: Paul McGregor (yeah you all thought I was going with Siebold didn't you?)

And the prestigious Chrissy W goes to...wait am I reading this right?...but I thought Campbell was a certainty for a threepeat...really...most votes?...I see...I'm not disputing it, I'm just see your point...

And the prestigious Chrissy W goes to... Clint Gutherson. Congratulations Clint, you were far and away the most overrated player in the competition this year. Please accept your trophy and, as we always say, try not to drop it as you exit the stage.

And now to this year's specialty awards:

  • The Teflon Trophy For Dirtiest Grub Who Keeps Getting Off: James Fisher-Headhigh

  • The Des Hasler Memorial Award For Biggest Whinger: Clint Gutherson

  • The Bryan Fletcher Memorial Award For Just Hold It: Viliame Kikau

  • Gavin Lester Memorial Award For Quality Player Stuck In Reserve Grade Behind An Absolute Dickhead: Haze Dunster

  • The Nathan Hindmarsh "Curse of the Bambino" Stigma For Player Who Will Never Win A Grand Final: Clint Gutherson

  • The Paul Gallen Memorial Award For You Do Realise There Are Cameras Right?: Addin Fonua-Blake

  • The Ben Hunt Memorial Award For Game-Breaking Basic Handling Error: Viliame Kikau (Grand Final)

  • The Julian O'Neill Golden Poo For Holy Shit You Can't Do That At A Casino: Cody Walker

  • The And I Quote "Cooper Cronk is a reserve-grade hooker at best and will never replace Matt Orford" Bronze Clipboard For Why The Fuck Would You Ever Hire Phil Gould: Channel 9

  • The Pewter Logie For Dumbest Channel 9 Camera Since Their Last Dumb Camera: Freddy Cam

  • The Bryce Cartwright Memorial Needle For Deadshit Anti-Vaxx Stupidity: Josh Papalii, Sia Soliola and Joseph Tapine

  • The Stephen Dank Mystery Box For Most Doped Up Cronulla Player: Bronson Xerri

  • The Bernie Maddoff Memorial Trophy For Biggest Ripoff: Sonny-Bill Williams

  • The Phil Gould Golden Microphone For Most Biased Commentary: Cooper Cronk

  • The Barry Gomersall Silver Whistle For Most Biased Referee: Gerard Sutton

  • The Golden Tandy: Gavin Orr

  • The Danny Williams Crown For Biggest King Hit: Chad Townsend

  • Jarrod Sammut Award For Penrith Player Who Was A Revelation On Debut And Then Never Seen Again: Charlie Staines

  • The Donny J Trump Silver Platter For Being Handed It And Still Dropping It: Penrith

  • The "I Miss Old Fashioned Scrums" Golden Golliwog For Bigoted White People Stuck In 1978: Anyone who was offended by the NRL promoting a lesbian kiss or Latrell wearing an Aboriginal flag

  • The Phar Lap Golden Can Of Dog Food For Flogging A Dead Horse: Once again thinking the Nines are going to be a thing

  • Where Phil "Goose" Gould Ended Up On The Tipping Comp: Dead Last

  • The Dally M Awards Award For Biggest Joke: The Dally M Awards

  • The Ian Flemming Golden Gun For Most Over The Top Name: Project Apollo

  • The Anthony Watts Golden Gun For Biggest Nutjob: Tevita Pangai Jr

  • The Kane Evans Thermos For Best Throw Of A Water Bottle: Ricky Stuart

  • The Robbie O'Davis Memorial Award For Most Drugged Up Player NOT With Cronulla: Michael Jennings

  • The Remember The Somme Memorial Award For Most Dangerously Churned Up Surface: Bankwest Stadium

  • The Average Accuracy Of So-Called "Experts" Tips and Predictions: 12%

  • The Jarryd Hayne Shattered Rainbow For Chasing Your Dreams: Valentine Holmes

  • The Mitchell Pearce Golden Wind-Up Chattering Teeth For Prematurely Jawing Off In A Final And Spurring The Other Team To Victory: Mitchell Pearce

  • The Wests-Tigers Crumpled Golden Ticket For Don't Buy Grand Final Tickets In March: Parramatta

  • The Scott Prince Wicker Chair For Most Fragile Player: Tom Trbojevic

  • The Early 2000's South Sydney Award For Bring Your Boots Just In Case: Manly

  • The Drummer From Spinal Tap Silver Sticks For You Don't Want That Job: Whoever plays 9 for Newcastle

We congratulate all the winners and their clubs, and we're all truly excited at the prospect that you might not be back next year. That's all for 2020, thank you.

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